Nautilus
8 Kungu St., Riga
There's nothing like wasting the night away to house and techno music in a giant millennium style submarine, if you can get past the bouncers, that is. The black suited meat heads are so aggressively vigilant in "bouncing" everyone that comes through the door, you'd think each person had set off a flashing invading missile siren.
Whoever came up with the idea of distributing bar coded "drink cards" to each customer at Nautilus was a business genius. It's as dangerous as giving a 16-year-old daddy's credit card. Clubbers can drain their life savings away with scan after scan, only to go into shock five hours later when the bill comes.
With a 5 lat (7 euro) cover charge and cocktails within the 3-to-6 lat range, Nautilus isn't the cheapest club around, but money seems more of an accessory than a means of survival for the Nautilus crowd.
And despite the prices, one can't help but be impressed by the catacomb of bars and lounging rooms hidden away in this trilevel submarine.
Upstairs, one must push his way through the crowd of halter-tops and hot-pants to reach the main dance floor, where there is an ingenious mobile catwalklike stage that can also be used for live performances. Wander further through the maze of hallways and chill-out rooms and you'll find two more bars.
Deep under the cobble stone streets of Riga's Old Town, it's easy to lose track of the time, submerged in this vacuum of clubbing energy. If it weren't for the team of bouncers eagerly waiting for when they can throw the last clubber out into the dawn lit street, most Nautilus patriots could probably keep going for days. (E.C.)
Opium Club
5 Merivalja tee, Tallinn
Opium Club is in Pirita, the beach area about six kilometers from the city center, so unless you're doing some late-night ice fishing nearby, chances are you're not going to wander in here by accident. But before you even think of spending your hard-earned taxi money getting this far from civilization, check the opiumclub.ee Web site to make sure it's a party night.
When there's a party or other special event happening, the club is a throbbing mass of music, go-go girls, vodka-fueled dancing and people generally having a good time.
As dance floors in major Tallinn clubs go, the one here is on the small side. Anything that forces people to get social though can't be a bad thing. Table seating, on the other hand, is ample. Maybe too ample. Enormous, round tables are set into comfy, boothlike enclosures - the perfect intimate gathering place for you and 20 of your closest friends. You'll have no trouble talking to the person next to you, but if you want to whisper sweet nothings to your date across the table, you'll have to do it by mobile phone. (S.R.)
Club Tallinn
27 Narva mnt., Tartu
Serious Estonian club-goers, no matter where they live, are likely to pin the "best nightclub in the country" label on a place called Club Tallinn. The club, despite its name, is actually in Tartu, except in summer, when it closes down and moves to Parnu. Confused? Don't be. Considering where its bread-and-butter student crowds are during the summer break, this strategy makes a lot of sense.
The dance area is filled with guys with ultrashort hair and barmaids in short, pleated skirts. Wander to the back and you'll find plenty of stylish chill space. Here a suave, dim, red-lit lounge with aquariums for tables provides a place to practice at being cool.
The real oddity back here is the tree jutting out of the uneven floor. Leafy wallpaper and ventilation pipes painted as tree trunks add to the arboreal effect. It's well known that Estonians love nature, but this is all a bit much. There's even recorded bird tweeting in the toilets.
When The Baltic Times came to review the place, the bottom of someone's drink glass inexplicably fell off, sending a mess of sticky Coke and ice to the floor. It seems there's at least one crack in this club's veneer of coolness. (S.R.)
Pupu Lounge
14 Marstalu, Riga
My aversion to this club starts with its name, which in Latvian basically means "titty lounge." If the idea is to offend every single female that ever walks into the club, then why not come out of hiding, call the place Titty Lounge, and be done with it.
The club's chill-out area downstairs feels cold and unwelcoming, and I'm sure the dancefloor room upstairs would feel very uncomfortable for anyone in the least bit claustrophobic.
On Fridays and Saturdays the admission fee is 3 lats (4.50 euros), but women enter for free.
This, of course, is not an act of kindness toward women but a strategy to ensure that men have as broad a choice of women around them as possible.
On the Friday night I came to check the place out, a female lawyer bought everyone around her bad champagne and pompously offered to pay for my friend's drinks and mine (which she didn't in the end). She sat ostentatiously counting out a huge wad of cash, which amounted to more than most Latvians would earn in six months. I naively told her not to wave that much money but she just smiled. Of course, waving it around was precisely the point.
Our waitress was a nice girl. Unfortunately for her, part of her dress code consisted of a skimpy corset, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. An overweight guy took this as a direct invitation to grope her breasts. Perhaps he was thinking, "Well, I am at Titty Lounge, am I not?" Our waitress saw my offended face and shrugged her shoulders. "Perhaps I would mind if I wasn't this busy," she said. That's Pupu Lounge for you. (J.V.)
Club Hollywood
8 Vana-Posti, Tallinn
During the day, the Stalin-era Soprus cinema that houses Club Hollywood looks every bit the grand temple of socialist culture it was designed to be. But at night, especially on Wednesday-night ladies' nights, what goes on inside would set dead party hacks spinning in their graves.
The ladies - who show up in droves - are typically young, heart achingly pretty and hot-to-trot. Naturally the guys, being guys, are literally lining up to get in there with them. This perfect combination of lechery and commerce has to be seen to be believed.
Most of the attention is on the dance floor, where it seems like a mass of cloned Barbie-doll types has taken over the world. In the middle of all of this, go-go dancers strut their stuff on raised platforms while being shot at by green lasers. On the fringes of the crowd, guys chat up the women. For them, this is shopping.
It's easy to joke about all the microskirts and hair bleach that makes this club what it is, but there's no denying the local wisdom that says that, on Wednesday nights, Club Hollywood is the place to be. (S.R.)
Purvs
60/62 Matisa St., Riga
If not overwhelmingly accepting, Latvian society is at least indifferent to the behavior of others. And most probably wouldn't blink an eye if there were a gay nightclub on their street. However, there's still an air of the conspiratorial about finding your way to Purvs (swamp). Located in a sketchy neighborhood, the only sign that you've arrived is a fluorescent rainbow flag over a doorway bearing the sign "medical center."
But walk down a long, undecorated corridor, check your coat with the beefy bouncer and prepare for something - well, a little different at least.
Perhaps the low key profile has less to do with security than with preserving the frisson of a romantic rendezvous in parks and public toilets. Because inside, there's no more beating around the bush - you would have to be really stupid not to know where you are. Pretty boys in tight jeans make out and loudly call each other "slut" and "whore" in Russian. Butch girls paw each other's privates on the dance floor.
Straights are welcome to come and party too as long as they respect the local customs. For a night that joyfully flips the conventions of Riga clubbing on the head, take a plunge into the swamp. (P.B.)
Terminalas
2 Vokieciu, Vilnius
Terminalas' fascinating name suggests a club designed to round off a hard day's bar crawling. And this is close to the truth, considering that it is open from 10 a.m. to 3 a.m. on weekdays, and till 5 a.m. on Saturday nights. The club is well located in the center of Vilnius' Old Town in a cellar under a modern art gallery.
Descending down the stairs to the club, you can't escape the feeling that you're about to enter a historical chamber, with its brick walls, arch ceilings, and humid atmosphere. Actually Terminalas is a vast 1,400-square-meter multi chamber hall that can hold up to 1,500 people. That's about a meter per person. Wow. What a plot.
But though Terminalas may be underground, don't expect the same thing of its music. I mean, just the fact that Lithuanian singer Mr. Rytis Cicinas often performs there should warn you that anyone and everyone is invited to this particular party. (M.S.)
New Orleans
4 Vienuolio, Vilnius
Don't expect any remoulade or banjo music at this latest addition to the elite class of the city's nightspots. In truth, there's not a whole lot of the Big Easy in Vilnius' New Orleans.
Refreshingly, the elbows on the bar and the butts in the vinyl-covered lounge booths belong to an appealingly smart-but-not-too-smart crowd. Composed of trendy professionals and students willing to sacrifice the equivalent of two weeks' rent at the dormitory for the club's cover fee, the scene at New Orleans is fresh and cool, but not intimidating.
The overall design of the place reinforces this pleasant mix of hip and friendly. State-of-the-art projection equipment and a snazzy dance floor lend a sleek atmosphere, while the low ceilings and retro furniture create a friendly ambiance. Overall, it would be difficult to claim that a trip to New Orleans isn't a good night out. (S.P.)
Helios
28 Didzioji, Vilnius
Vilnius' own black hole of tourist attractions is Town Hall Square. After all, it was from this very square that only a few months ago George Bush told the world about his country's eternal friendship with Lithuania.
And if the venerable president had wanted to bust a move once the diplomatic bull had been shoveled off the square, he undoubtedly would have gone to Helios, located smack dab in the most obvious spot in the city.
Now it's time for some nightclubbing mathematics: the corollary to the theorem of the universally obvious square is that the best thing any commercial establishment on said square has to offer is its obvious location. That's not to say that it's a bad club. In its more than one year of operation, Helios has proven to be a Vilnius favorite-it's clean, safe, feels and looks like a club, so what more could one want?
Club it is, but anything more than that it isn't. While other Vilnius establishments are straining to create a niche for themselves, experimenting with various concepts and distinctive designs, Helios is destined to remain the plain Jane about which passers-by will always say, "Oh look, a night club." (S.P.)
THE BEST OF THE REST
ABonbon
6E Mere Blvd., Tallinn
This classy club and lounge bar recently abolished its members-only policy but visitors should look the part if they don't want to feel like lepers.
Mirage
40 Ruutli, Parnu
Mirage is one of the best nights out in the resort town of Parnu. Music from the 70s and 80s is played on Thursdays.
Amigo
4 Viru Sq., Tallinn
A hotel club with one of the best rock 'n' roll band line-ups in town, Amigo is ready and willing to be your friend
Panoraam
8B Mere Blvd., Tallinn
Guest DJs, famous local bands and breathtaking views of the Old Town and the port area make this a real hot-spot.
Venus
14 Vana-Viru, Tallinn
One of the kitschiest clubs in Tallinn, Venus is enormously popular with Russian youths and foreigners on the prowl.
Voodoo
55 Elizabetes St., Riga
Foreigners like this place because it's the easiest club in Riga to meet "friendly" women. But be warned - people actually rush to the dance floor when "Ice Ice Baby" comes on.
Kabata
19 Peldu St., Riga
Kabata means pocket, which is a nice word that rhymes with socket. As a club, however, it's completely useless, unless you like cheap beer, tanked up students looking for an easy lay and brain-tumor-inducing bad music.
Club Essential
2 Skolas St., Riga
This is a club desperately trying to be a club. Imagine Tom Cruise playing Robert de Niro in a biopic, and you get the picture.
La Rocca
96 Brivibas St., Riga
The mother of all crap clubs, La Rocca is so bad, it's almost good.
Brodvejus
4 Mesiniu, Vilnius
Come to see how Vilnius' university students blow off steam. Alternatively, if you're male, foreign, and over 40, join others of your demographic group in trying to get those university students into bed.
Galaxy
26 Konstitucijos, Vilnius
Part of the massive Forum Palace complex that opened last spring, Galaxy is said to be capable of accommodating over 1,000 booty-shakers at once. That's a lot of booty.
Gravity
16 Jasinskio, Vilnius
The reigning king of Vilnius cool, Gravity has lured some of the world's hottest DJs through its doors. Dress to impress, or else.
Mano Klubas
7 Boksto, Vilnius
We were expecting a lot from this one, and we're disappointed. Mano Klubas has proven that the international statute quarantining all EMF songs to Essex is not being rigidly enforced.
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