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  • 2004-01-15
ways to rebuff an unwanted come-on

I) Smile and start dribbling profusely
II) Tell the person that you're sorry, but you wouldn't feel right infecting them with what you've got.
III) Tell the person that you'll be back in a moment but you just have to go and apply your hemorrhoid cream.
IV) Admit that you don't want to be rude, but you'd rather confabulate with your stool instead.
V) Tell the person that your last relationship lasted three weeks and ended in 11 failed suicide attempts on your part. Then tell them that's all in the past though, and luckily destiny has now brought you both together.
VI) Advise them to watch what they say - Judgement Day is at hand.
VII) Insert your index finger as far up your nostril as it will fit and wriggle it around while groaning with pleasure. Do not break eye contact.
VIII) Mention that you're currently reading a wonderful book about the history of the spoon, and its socio-economic consequences for Western civilization.
IX) Tell the person that the drugs DO work, at least most of the time.
X) Confess that "Fatal Attraction" is you're favorite film of all time, because you can really relate to Glenn Close's character.