Let this be the winter of our content

RIGA - The air is becoming crisp and cold. The days are getting unnervingly shorter. Yes, another summer has been and all-too-quickly gone. And now it's time to knuckle down for yet another epic Baltic winter. Well, actually it's a bit early yet. But we thought that we'd help our readers - many of whom dread the long, dark, desolate days of winter - by providing them with ample provisions of advice for how to make the best of it. It only takes a little imagination and mindless enthusiasm to transform an unbearably drab Baltic winter into an unforgettable, life enriching experience that you'll never want to end...

Catch up
on the classics
We all have a backlog of unread classics gathering dust on the shelves - books that we feel morally obliged to read, but don't, because we really couldn't give a shit. But don't be like that. Be intrigued. Be very intrigued. Let this be the year that you finally tackle Marcel Proust's "In Search of Lost Time," or Tolstoy's "War and Peace" (a mere novella in comparison), or be really brave, and get stuck into Joyce's masterpiece of modernist humor "Finnegan's Wake." You'll be really glad that you did. No, really.

Have a bed-in
Remember John 'n' Yoko's bed-in back in 68? Well, where's all that heady revolutionary spirit gone? Is there no one out there with any ideals left? Go on, choose your grievances, get the chips in, get cozy beneath the blankets, and let rip. You can inveigh against everything from George Bush's criminal abuse of semantics, to the shocking truth behind the coffee bean. It's true that you won't attract the same sort of global audience that John 'n' Yoko did, but your landlord might listen to you for a few minutes when he pops round to pick up his monthly rent.

Fall in love
This is basically a continuation of the bed theme. People tend to prefer to fall in love in the spring and the summer, but the winter is really the ideal time to enjoy the fruits of love. Just think of those steamy, sensuous winter meals in the kitchen. Think of that special bond that comes when your lover puts his or her freezing cold feet all over your legs when you cuddle up in bed. Think of all that philosophical groping in the dark. Think of the thinking about the thinking of it. It's undeniably, fundamentally romantic. No wonder the hippies were doomed with their summer of love.

Create a first
You've seen the advert for Emirate Airlines, the one whose slogan is: "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" Ooh, clever, that. But when did you? That's what we thought. Come on, you only live once, so why not live, at least a little. Do something different. Something spontaneous. Something out of character. It could be something extreme, like extracting every alternative tooth to protest against dental heterogeneity, or something absurd, such as buying a top-of-the-range SUV and painting it luminous pink. No? Well, then just wait for the snow to fall and make a snowman. But don't forget to somehow attach a cell phone to its face.

Find solace
with hot wine
Assuming that none of the above is of the least interest to you, there's always hot wine to fall back on. Subtle it ain't, but it's certainly hot, which is all most people really want from a drink during a Baltic winter. Hot wine is a truly wonderful drink. It creates a sort of inner glow in those who drink it, and inspires a peculiar lyricism of thought. Everything and everyone seems strangely beautiful. Even the slush seems to sparkle. And as you stagger home, you barely even feel the cold. No, you're too busy composing an ode to the winter instead: "Winter, my heart, my soul, my profound ice fisherman's hole..." But then you slip over, crack your head open, and that's that.

Do good
Doing good is always a good option for something to do. Establish a hotline (no pun intended) for SAD victims, of which there are many in the Baltics. This is a cheap and easy thing to do, for it can be done in the comfort of your own home, with a steaming saucepan of hot wine beside you. But take the cruel-to-be-kind approach with people. When they call and complain about how miserable they're feeling, just tell them: "It's all in your mind." And then when they try to tell you that SAD is a medically recognized condition that is caused by a biochemical imbalance in the hypothalamus due to the shortening of daylight hours and the lack of sunlight in winter, just sternly reply: "No, it's all in your mind." They'll thank you in the end. Really.

Learn how
to love ice fishing
Along with such ruminants as the cow and the sheep, the ice fisherman is arguably the most tranquil creature on earth. Just take a good look at him (yes, him). He sits there for hours on end, on a tiny stool, hunched up over a tiny hole, in the middle of a frozen lake or river, in nostril-splintering temperatures. Just what do they think about when they're out there? The simple answer is probably nothing. And that's why they're so impressive. Where most people need to simulate a reaction in order to have a reaction, ice fishermen just...are. They swig from their industrial-strength alcohol, occasionally nibble at a sardine sandwich, but mostly they just stare at a hole and wait for something to happen. Someone should give them a medal.

Take up
an extreme sport
We're not talking about snowboarding, or ice sailing, or any other such outmoded nonsense. No, create an entirely new extreme winter sport that is ideal for each of the Baltic states and extremely cheap to take up - icicle roulette. This basically entails waiting for the first major thaw of the winter, and then walking right up to a building so that you're standing directly beneath all those huge, jagged icicles high overhead. And then see what happens. If you feel something cold and hard strike you on your head, you posthumously win. It should be a winter Olympic sport in no time.

Rediscover
the joy of fire
Most people amuse themselves during the long winter evenings by watching television. In principle this is little different to our ancestors, who used to sit there and watch a fire flickering and crackling away. It's true that fires do not exactly project narratives, such as soap operas or news bulletins, but they are nevertheless mesmerizing to look at. So this winter, why not get back in touch with your roots. Clear out a space in the middle of your living room and get a roaring fire going. Grunt appreciatively every few seconds at the wonder of its warmth and light. Struggle to make sense of the chaotic play of shadows on the wall. And just feign total surprise when a team of fire fighters turns up at your front door with a fire hose at the ready.

New winter order
If you like the above ideas, then you're probably a true blue, scarf-wearing, mitten-bearing, sauna-sharing winter lover. And good for you. But don't let it stop there - winter can still be improved. Christmas, for one thing, should be shifted to February. And when oh-when will people be able to control their own radiators in the Baltics? And more snow this year, please. But otherwise the winter is your oyster. We just can't wait...