There has never been a more appropriately titled film in the history of mankind. This movie truly is a disaster.
Having always disliked the overuse of cliche genres like the college film, the psycho-killer film and the disaster film, I was genuinely disappointed when I went and saw this movie at the flicks. There have been some memorable spoof films, such as "Not Another Teen Movie" and "Scary Movie," both of which play on the exhausted tropes of the two aforementioned genres. They built up my hopes for another light-hearted comedy with a touch of venom directed at the people responsible for the tired films.
From the beginning, though, I could see that "Disaster Movie" was going to be anything but clever satire of the disaster genre. The opening scene has the main character running aimlessly for a few minutes before a gladiator decks him with a foam baton. This has very little to do with the plot.
Actually, it is impossible to have anything to do with the plot, because there is almost an entire lack of one. You'll spend most of the movie trying to work out whether what you're seeing is important or relevant at all.
As for the evasive plot line, the main character Will (Matt Lanter), prophesizes that there will be a world-ending disaster August 29 's the release date of the film. His dilemma comes in the form of his exquisite girlfriend, Amy (Vanessa Minnillo). Amy wants Will to tell her he loves her and marry her, but he doesn't want to get into a steady relationship because the coming catastrophe would simply end it anyway.
The disaster starts while Will is having a "Sweet 16" party that he never had at that age. His (now ex-) girlfriend shows up with an underwear model, and several people are shot dead for no apparent reason. Suddenly there is an earthquake, and all sorts of other unrelated disasters 's such as an instant ice age and tornados 's ensue.
Will finds himself separated from Amy and decides that he must go and rescue her from danger at any cost. When he finally finds her, she explains that she knows how to stop the disasters 's with the large crystal skull in her vagina, which she produces without fuss or delay. They replace the skull on a pillow and the disasters cease.
The movie is filled with faux cameo appearances by stars like as Amy Winehouse, Jessica Simpson and Justin Timberlake, among a raft of others. Their performances can only be explained as an excuse to stretch this disaster into a feature-length film. Almost every scene in the film has one of these cameo appearances, which are all disjointed and apparently meaningless.
This presents the film with one of its key obstacles to reaching any level of quality: if the cameos and references were from the same era, so that one person of any particular age group could identify with them, it would be great.
But I noticed references to films ranging from 1973s "Enter the Dragon" to 2008s Kung Fu Panda. This, mixed with pathetic slapstick comedy that could only be funny for five-year-olds, left me wondering who exactly was supposed to be able to enjoy this film.
There are a few characters (and actors) that are badly developed and just generally annoying. The main characters are the perfect examples, along with another actor who plays about six different characters throughout the film.
The best parts of the film were a rabid Alvin and the Chipmunks concert and a dance-off with a pregnant break-dancer while the credits roll. The worst part of the movie was the rest of it.
Convention forces me to give this at least one star 's that being the minimum 's but this movie should not be associated with even the idea of stars. Unless you are a masochist, avoid at all costs. It's the worst film I've ever seen.
Showing in Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania.
