10 things not to say to a Latvian woman

May 03, 2006

1) “You are very beautiful.” She will only think you’re a stupid foreigner if you do.
2) “Your voice is like a plaintive nocturne.” She will think you’re making fun of her.
3) “Your melons are very juicy.” She will confusedly insist that Latvia doesn’t grow melons.
4) Don’t ask her for her views on post-feminism. Latvia isn’t past Simone de Beauvoir yet.
5) Don’t try to impress her with the fact that you’re a foreigner. Latvian women are extremely smart, pragmatic and proud, and they don’t need your passports any more.
6) Don’t be gaudy. One stereotype that is largely true is that Russian women love gold, Latvian women silver. Gaudiness is a no-no.
7) “You Russian girls are really sexy.” That one speaks for itself.
8) “You kind of remind me of that girl in t.A.T.u.” See point (7).
9) “Oh man, you still live with your parents!” Yes, just like half the country.
10) Don’t bullshit her. Latvian women are extremely skilled in the art of sniffing out bullshit.

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